2004-10-03 - 6:20 p.m.
The following are excerpts from our travel notebook, kept by Jeremy (I do the driving), of our insane weekend in Vermont. This will likely be divided into parts. So here goes...
GAY WEDDING WEEKEND part 1: THE DRIVE THERE
10/1 9:18 a.m. Going to Vermont again, this time for a wedding, for friends Jim and Jhawn. Sitting in parked car in credit union parking lot, waiting for Annie to get $. Man in bluish pickup kind of looks like he's jacking off, except an old woman is beside him, so probably not. Tired. Can't get my brain to accept that we're going to VT today.
9:25 Arrive at J&J's. Not ready. Given wok and rice cooker to transport to VT. Talk to Jim and James (Jhawn's best man). Jhawn not dressed or cleansed so we get coffee at Dunkin Donuts. Group of severely retarded people at a table there. One of them is laughing like a crazed hyena at something. Bald burly man in line in front of us smells surprisingly exquisite.
10:41 Leave Jhawn/Jim's. Sit around on porch gabbing beforehand. Learn some things: a) there's an obscene amount of alcohol at this event; b) also a hot tub for which we are ill-prepared, c) Jhawn's father has an inoperable brain tumor and d) cats don't sweat. A young male neighbor comes out onto the porch to smoke and does a decent job not looking too uncomfortable while James and Jhawn fondle and admire his jacket. James does impressive imitation of Anne Ramsey in "Throw Momma From the Train."
10:48 Read back to Annie waht I've written so far. Favorable reaction. Fleetwood Mac playing. I think I hate Fleetwood Mac. I already don't know where we are.
10:51 Learn that carrot cake will be served at wedding, to my delight and Annie's chagrin.
10:56 Already tired of writing this. Lots of construction and farm-product-selling stands. Following Jhawn, whose braking can be most kindly described as erratic. Many cigarettes discarded from the homosexual-filled Focus.
11:03 Someone has "Lil Kim you rock! Class of 2005" painted on their rear window in yellow paint. Driving through the not especialy appealing town of Windham. Store offering "Lobmeat." Pass "Dock World" and "The Ice Cream Dugout." Identical men constructing impressive half-circle rock wall. Windham evokes mild difficult-to-place depression.
11:09 Pass Raymond Foodmarket, where I bought this very notebook nearly a year ago! This event genuinely feels important! For a very, very brief period of time. Separated from Jhawn by orange cement mixer.
11:13 Pass sign advertising "Camp Hinds." Dead bug mysteriously and alarmingly lands on groin. Jhawn way ahead of us now. Starting to recognize establishments from last year's trip. Cement mixer passed.
11:17 Jhawn making amusing attempts to pass cars. Man unenthusiastically weed-whacking rock. Jim looks back at us from back seat and smiles sympathetically. Again I'm taken aback by the number of home hair-stylist shops. "Krazy Ken" will be playing at Doug's Bar and Grille soon.
11:22 "Jewlz" hair salon. YUCK. "Wild Plum" business appears to be a bunch of shit on a lawn.
11:29 Pass a car dealership called "Jesus is Lord." Unreasonably brightly colored bulldozer passed. Officially tired of "American Pie" being on the radio. Nicely dressed hitchhiker passed. Annie reveals attraction to one of her former stepbrothers (**NOTE- this is untrue. We were talking about how people named Bruce are generally unattractive. I said that all the Bruces I'd ever met were moustached, but not necessarily unappealing, and cited my former stepbrother as an example. I was 14 and he was what, 33? He was generally accepted as a nice looking man. I was not attracted to him.) Bridgton is still cool & cramped.
11:47 Man bent over in woods squinting at wooden post. Floral arrangement on lawn queasily resembles large pile of scrambled eggs.
11:55 Fryeburg pleasantly boring. People who live here probably have little to cpmplain about, or to discuss in general. Tiny rest stop inexplicably littered with empty bleach bottles.
12:01 Immense fatigue setting in. Coffee inneffectual. Nice to take this ride in good weather in comparison to last year's crap Live Pink Floyd not good accompaniment to nature's marvels. Scrotum itches.
12:12 Stop at Wendy's (**North Conway, NH) to eat things and use bathroom, which only has a urinal & toilet. Old man using urinal. I knock on stall door and urinating old man says "it's empty, it's empty" which angers me. Eat burger meal. Donkey Kong brandishing large banana on my soda cup. Fries thrown. I wish I liked Wendy's but it's never pleased me. I am alone in the world in this opinion.
12:36 Exiting Wendy's proves a labyrinthian nightmare. Wish I hadn't discarded the remnants of my lemonade. "Banana Village" mini golf passed. Predictable yet amusing gay joke made. "For Your Paws Only" a very terrible name for a store.
12:49 Moose crossing sign promises "hundreds of collisions": can't wait.
1:04 Beyond sleepy. Currently in White Mtn. National Park. Very pretty in that pretty tree way.
1:09 Relaxation nature provides is making us both very tired. Something smells mildly of tires. Very nice mtn. view but am distracted by cyclist's enormous ass.
1:28 Both struggling to retain consciousness. Yellow convertible clearly enraging Jhawn with it's leisurely pace.
1:36 Will be very happy to reach bed & breakfast. So so sleepy. Mouth tastes like fries & hands smell like fries.
1:38 Jhawn pulls over. Turns out he spilled coffee all over the front seats. Jim unhapy. Jhawn asks Jim if he'll still marry him. No apparent reply.
1:41 Back on the road. We're in Bethlehem. Man photographing scarecrow. Sign proclaims "the stars come out in Bethlehem." Probably not referring to celebrities. man having difficulty with inflatable pool.
1:46 Littleton entered at incredible speeds. Jhawn going eleven thousand mph. Not outruling death as possible occurance. Car ride feels similar to amusement park ride. Annie crying out in pain while picking her nose. (**this booger was fused to a nose hair and it refused to budge!)
1:55 Enter Vermont. Yup. Sign discourages drunken driving shows a car with a martini glass superimposed on it with the red cross-out Ghostbusters circle over it. That rules. Very classy drunk drivers in Vermont, apparently. Lots of dancing observed in Jhawn's car, to Annie's delight. Lumber-bearing truck passed at impressive speed.
2:05 Smells like glue. Or paint. Probably paint (**St. Johnsbury, VT). nearing Montpelier. Maybe we'll see the House of Tang! (**poor-quality asian food establishment we ate at least year) And the Vermonter! (**poor-quality motel we stayed at last year. Woman resembling Laraine Newman was the innskeeper) The Vermonter!
2:13 Impressive pumpkin displays.
2:22 Shit smelled.
2:34 Arrive at Beaver something-or-other Road. Almost at Pie In The Sky, which is the B&B we're all staying at. It's a dirt road. A bit more remote, I think, than we were prepared for. Turning off onto another dirt road, and here we are.
