2003-11-16 - 7:27 p.m.
I'm in such a somber mood. My first contact with Julie since we've been out of school came today in e-mail form, where she told me she's going into surgery this week to have things removed. Shitty. I wrote her back...the first e-mail I've written in weeks! (I'll be writing back to other people tomorrow, I promise!)
I've picked up hours at Victoria's Secret to pay bills while I think about looking for office space. Having the schedule I'd gotten used to over the past six months change has thrown everything off. I'm unsure about anything and questioning everything. I'm not sure I want to be an assistant anymore (now that I'm scheduled for six consecutive Wednesday afternoons starting January 14th). I've been thinking about finally finishing my degree, goinng for sports medicine instead of women's studies. As much as I hate USM, I don't think it's an issue anymore. I'm not sure. My problem is the general dissatisfaction with everything that's settled in. I'm unhappy with my schedule, my lifestyle, my apartment, my relationship (in that I'm convinced HE'S dissatisfied), my lack of motivation, lack of caring much about anything.
I'm going to be 25 in less than a month. My situation has changed little since I graduated high school. I've grown as a person, my locale has changed a few times, sure...I'm not talking specifics when I say this. This is very general. I'm still a careerless, unmarried, financially pathetic gal. I don't know much more now than I did then...or I should say I still don't know how to apply the things I learn to change my situation.
Blah blarn bleh. Enough of this! I'm going to despise myself for writing this tomorrow. I'm going to stop before I humiliate myself further.
