2003-10-04 - 7:16 p.m.
Let me clarify: I am not pregnant! I could've just e-mailed Emily back, but I'm lazy and a terrible friend, not to mention an atrocious human being.
Rainy, gusty weather forced me to spend my day off watching television. It's been so long since I was last forced to watch programming on a Saturday afternoon, I had almost forgotten how terrible it really is. HBO saved me (yet again!)...I watched "The Curse of the Bambino" (I cried real tears! Maybe I AM pregnant!!) which reminded me how much I hate the Yankees (which seems severe since I generally don't follow baseball) and "The Checker King", which was a documentary about this old man who's really good at checkers and went with his nephew (the documentator...what's the word I'm looking for? You know what I mean)...and they go to a national checkers championship in Toledo. It was a cute program. The guy, Harvey, is in his eighties and was depressed until he got into checkers. He landed on local TV and in newspapers...which leads me to a point:
I want to be newsworthy!
This will be no small feat, since I am not remotely talented, I'm not handicapped, "special", really old, or an adorable child. I could always commit a crime...that's guaranteed coverage, especially if I'm "on the run" or a "crazy psychopath". But I want to be heralded and revered for the cool thing I'm doing to benefit humanity, or just recognized for the startling task or stunt I've pulled off. I'm open to suggestions. Here are my skills in no particular order:
-crocheting granny-square afghans
-freelance tap dancing (no training, but I'm confident that it looks at least somewhat cool)
-alphabetizing
After dropping Jeremy off at work this evening I went to Old Navy to buy new work pants (my old ones don't fit because of my ever-expansive abdomen and thighs...the more I type the more I wonder if Emily's on to something. It's just my relationship fat I think. I think?). I left with not only new pants, but two packages of socks, a hooded sweatshirt (t'is the season!), a striped sweater, and underwear for Jeremy (it was on sale...and I can't just shop for ME). Old Navy knew they were on to something when they approved me for credit. I bless and curse them not only for allowing me to buy things on money that isn't mine yet, but for being fashionable at reasonable prices. Same thing with Target! Poor people want to be trendy too! And until I can throw my business at small, eccentric boutiques I'm forced to unload money I haven't earned yet at these establishments.
I've said too much for today. I'm going to go buy a pregnancy test.
